Learning how to not take things personally can greatly improve your emotional well-being and relationships. Discover effective strategies and techniques to help you develop a healthier mindset.
There is a TED talk I particularly appreciate that gives you strategies on how to not take things personally. It is called “How not to take things personally?” by Frederik Imbo. In this article, we will discuss the different strategies Imbo discusses in his TED Talk (1), in order to not take things personally.
To summarize his video, here are the two main strategies he teaches:
It is Not About Me
One of his strategies is to try to look into the other person’s intention. Similarly, like when trying to find alternative interpretations for cognitive distortions, try to imagine other possible explanations.
For example, he speaks about the scenario where you are giving a presentation and you notice that someone is on their phone. You quickly get offended as you think they must think that your presentation is boring, that you are terrible at giving presentations or that they hate you. However, if you start to open up to the possibility of other possible scenarios, you might start to realize that maybe they just received a very important message that they had been waiting for all day (or maybe from the person they like). Or maybe they are just taking notes on their phone.
Here is how you would fill up your cognitive distortions table:
| Thought | Cognitive distortion | Alternative interpretations | Date and context |
| They think my presentation is boring, that I am terrible at giving presentations, and they hate me. | Mind reading | Maybe they received a very important message, or they are taking notes of the presentation on their phone | While giving a presentation |
This is a strategy that requires a lot of discipline and training. This is why he became a referee, to train not to take things personally. Because all the people were angry at him and his decisions, as they just wanted his team to win, he had to endure a lot of insults. However, he had to remind himself each time not to take things personally.
It is About Me
Sometimes, even though you try your best, it really is about you. However, instead of being harsh with yourself, treat yourself with empathy.
People may attack you, criticize you or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out or even walk all over you. But whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value.
Frederik Imbo
Sources
(1) Imbo, F. (2020, March). How not to take things personally? TEDxMechelen [Video]. TEDx. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/tedx
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